A letter to me, from my Higher Self, to mark six months of sobriety
Dear Sydney,
Today marks six months that you have been alcohol, drug, medication and binge-free. You haven’t been sober this long in more than 20 years. I am so proud of you! Proud not just for keeping your commitment to yourself to ride the rollercoaster of life with a clear head and open heart, but proud also that you listened to and honored the voice deep down inside your soul that said it was finally time to stop avoiding the pain that was slowly eroding your spirit. The pain that manifested as inescapable anxiety, depression and decades of people pleasing, self-abandonment and escapism.
You didn’t know it at the time but that inner voice speaking to you was me, your Higher Self. The source of your spirit, the home of your infinite soul. More simply, the version of yourself you’ve always dreamt of being but became disconnected from through life’s trials and traumas. The vision of yourself that has seemed unattainable and that you had lost faith was still there. I am so grateful you were willing to reignite the embers of hope back to me, despite life’s every attempt over the past couple years to keep us apart.
I know this road of sobriety hasn’t been easy for you. Some days you felt like you were on cloud nine, riding waves of accomplishment, achieving personal bests in your physical fitness and even experiencing levels of awe that literally made you feel like you were in the presence of God (or, a Higher Power, universal creative force, etc. – it’s not important what you call it). Other days – the really shitty days – you rocked yourself to sleep on the bathroom floor, crying tears of deep anguish and pain for the inner child inside you who just wanted to be unconditionally loved and never felt good enough for the people around her. Your willingness to stay connected to the source of your pain is what’s going to free you from its fast-hold and allow you to move forward in peace and forgiveness.
Regardless of your emotional or mental state these past six months, you have remained steadfast in your commitment to doing whatever it takes to close the gap between us, and you have demonstrated your unwavering promise to find me – eventually becoming me – through small daily actions of faith and dedication to wanting to lead a better life and embody the best version of yourself. You’ve just kept moving forward in the right direction every day, not even certain exactly what that meant or where you would be led. You have allowed yourself to surrender control to something greater than yourself.
As the poet Rumi wrote, “As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.” May this quote be your mantra and comfort during any times of doubt or confusion as you continue along this journey. It may feel that most of the time you are alone, but let me reassure you that you are not. I am beside you, encouraging your every step forward. On the days that are difficult, imagine my presence like that of an angel holding your face and wiping away your tears, reassuring you that everything is going to be okay. On the days where you feel particularly strong, envision me as your most enthusiastic cheerleader shouting energetically from the sidelines that I see you and I honor the hard work you’ve put into achieving this joyful moment. You go, girl!
This is the adventure of your life and it is one that requires your full heart. I know you have been hurt many times before, and you are scared. Don’t be afraid to open your heart and extend it to people, as that is what makes you unique. Your gift is that you truly see people, you are loving, and you deeply empathize with the pain and experiences of others. Be brave and courageous. This will require vulnerability. But do not be dismayed: vulnerability is your superpower.
I offer these final words to you as you embark upon your next six months of sobriety: never doubt yourself, your beautiful heart or your pure intentions. These are your gifts to share with the world. Lavish them upon everyone you meet and be unapologetic about who you are. The world needs you. Keep shining your light wherever you go. No matter how alone or scared you feel as you chart forward, know that I have never left your side.
Keep going. You’ve got this, Sis!
Love,
Me (your Higher Self)
